[Part three of Avi's four guest posts. (Read Post 1, and Post 2 if you haven't already). Today, Avi's wife Shelly gives her take on how a skeptic and a believer can make it work. We are getting pretty meta with the guest blogging but it's interesting stuff so we will forge ahead. Also, see below for my post on tonight's total lunar eclipse. - LubabNoMore]
Everything you do, or say, or write should be said as if it's being recorded forever. Every word you say, and every gesture you make. When you live with another person that individual looks to you for validation. Hurting that person's feelings, or disrespecting that person becomes an action that you may regret at some future time. Especially, if you view it at a later time when you are more mature. Perhaps, the words mitzvah (commandment) and aveira (sin) are wrong for this crowd but, moral imperatives behoove us to tread carefully in our daily interactions.
A spouse is the person that most of us spend a great deal of time with. Therefore, since it's a mitzvah to speak respectfully to everyone, we can apply that mitzvah to one's spouse. We can extrapolate that yelling or hurting a spouse's feelings is an aveira. So, I don't yell ever. We always speak respectfully to each other.
You know I am Avi's wife and you may be wondering "Doesn't she musar (lecture) him? Or, at least yell at him when he eats pork?" Well, he does not eat treif (non-kosher), and isn't mechalel Shabbos, or Yom Tov (at least not that I have ever seen). He makes brochos (blessings) periodically (when he wants to). He is a kind man who gives charity, and he has a sensitive disposition. He is smart, funny, and cute. (Girls, he's mine). I cannot control another's thoughts. I can discuss, and direct, and I do. Sometimes he listens, and sometimes not. But, we have a life together. I believe that he is my bashert. We will be together always.
Shelly
[Tomorrow, Avi wraps things up with a post and a picture. - LNM]
6 comments:
Wow is all I can say. I am in the same situation (me skeptic, my wife religious), but we are at each others throats pretty much on every single topic (kids upbringing, what to do when, holidays, etc...).
It seems to me that Shelly takes a sensible approach to Avi's skepticism.
It's important to remember that a person's family is more important than his religion. Supposedly his family will always be there for him but the people in his community, and even his rabbi, will not always be there for him. I speak now from personal history during a period of time when I chose my rabbi's advice over the wishes of my family.
What I admire about the relationship between Avi and Shelly is that each one extends RESPECT toward the other. Shelly goes even further and proposes
"reasons" for Avi's unbelief to the outside world.
Because they are each in two different places philosophically, it cannot be the most comfortable of relationships at times. But I am willing to bet that the majority of the time, the relationship works wonderfully. In the words of the 12 step program, Shelly and Avi each have learned to "let go and let god".
>But, we have a life together. I believe that he is my bashert. We will be together always.
That says it all
Thanx for your comments.
Its hard for many frum folks to understand the camaraderie and love that inspire both of you remain married, despite the fundamental differences in religious outlook.
Maybe its because their oppressive religious perspective has corroded the capacity to rise above their constained existance and express feelings unabridged by the scourge of fundamentalism.
Love is true betachon. Many more years of inspired love to both of you. Comment from a person who wishes to remain nameless.
This is Shelly, Avi's wife. One of the comments to my post by king of all jews - was regarding whether Avis's Rabbi will always be there for him. Avis's Rabbi loves him and respects him and he is always welcome at shul. My family all love uncle Avi and are careful not to hurt his feelings. He is even asked to speak at sheva brochos and other occasions. Perhaps my treating Avi with dignity has something to do with it. He is sensitive and brings out sensitivity in others.
Whether there is a God or not is a moot point. What possible difference could it make to anyone? The better question is where did the torah come from, and what can it possibly have to do with God. From believing in God ( which is your personal choice) to believing that God gave the torah takes a mighty leap of imagination. If God did indeed give the torah ( care to explain how he did it?) and God is perfect, everything that we need to know about God ( Hashem) should be in the torah. Why then do we have rabbis tripping over each other telling us how to observe the torah properly? God ( Hashem )may very well exist but we the Jewish people are not his buddies as we like to think. We have no "Chazaka" on how to serve him. And if he loves us he loves ALL of us.
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