Living on a Prayer

I've been praying shacharis the past few days. And by shacharis I mean shema and shmona esrei. Praying again has been a strange experience. It is very familiar and I can slip right back into it. That's good and bad. I'll start with the bad. It's bad because I find myself mindlessly mumbling the words. Hardly worth my time. On the other hand I was surprised to find myself a little excited for shmona esre. I liked that moment where I just shut everything out and prepared to focus on what I was about to say. Of course I lost that cool feeling once I started reading the pre-scribed prayer in front of me. I slogged through it but I kept thinking this might be worth my time if I just said my own thing. So tomorrow that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to focus on my own thoughts for five minutes and try to find some kind of meaning and review the ways in which I can better myself. Basically, I'm going to meditate while wearing my tallis and tefillin.

The experience got me thinking about what prayer does for us. I think it is pretty clear that people who believe in prayer can use it to change their own lives and attitudes. Prayer must be at least as good as a placebo, but maybe better. Perhaps focused, relaxed concentration (meditation or prayer) allows us to build the foundation for real change.

I certainly don't believe in the words so I'll be skimming those but I think there might actually be something to this meditation approach.