Shabbos sucked.
Davening this week was really a pain. Probably because I was with family. You have to sit with them in shul and they know when you got up in the morning. Usually I go to shul late, pretend I was there all along and just daven Musaf or something. With family it's not that they are watching me per se they are just a little more aware of me than the random shul goers are.
As far as davening it just seems like such a waste of 2 and a 1/2 hrs. Reading words that I hardly understand and don't agree with. I hate the pretending. Up until now I've taken a "roll with the punches" attitude. But as I get more honest with myself with my atheism I feel more strongly about not saying things I don't believe. Until now I didn't feel anything when I said the words so who cares what they mean. This Shabbos I just felt differently. I definitely hate Aleniu. I haven't been saying that one for a while. To quote the Almighty Wikipedia translation "God did not place us in the same situations as others, and our destiny is not the same as anyone else's. For they bow to vanity and emptiness and pray to a god which helps not." HA!
ALL bow to vanity and emptiness and pray to a god which helps not.
LNM
3 comments:
Hi,
I am not Orthodox, but I do try to pray 3 times per day. Sometimes I only manage to pray the morning prayers. I think the Aleinu prayer is beautiful, But I do not accept the part about non-Jews being somehow worse than us spiritually, so I just leave that part out.
The rest of the prayer is still beautiful and meaningful to me.
I'm glad you were able to find a compromise that works for you. I am not against people being religious. (I just don't see Judism as a devine creation).
I agree with you. The same dead prayers week after week are just too much. They were written by man, not God.
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