I will stop keeping halacha at some point in the future. That idea still seems unusual to me. Even though I know that statement is true I can't imagine what life will be like. At this point the question is not "if" but "when". There is no way I can put this genie back in the bottle. That said, there are a few related reasons as to why I stay "Orthoprax" for the moment.
Mainly, I want to control when, and how I step out of this closet. I will talk to my wife about my kafira as soon as appropriate. But, I don't want the conversation to begin when she catches me watching the game during her Shabbos nap. Once I turn on a bathroom light, mistakenly left off before Shabbos, it will only be a matter of time until I'm busted breaking Shabbos. So for now, I crap in the dark. I know once I cross the line there is no going back. Once I eat non-kosher out of the house (or in it) keeping kosher will become increasingly difficult. If I don't keep halacha eventually I will have to lie about it. I don't like to lie. Especially to people I care about. If you say being Orthoprax is a lie then I would mostly agree with you. Hence, the reason I enjoy blogging. It helps me be honest about who I am, at least anonymously, to you people out there. (You crazy skeptics you!)
Despite its immediate convenience, Orthopraxy is not a lifestyle I can keep up forever.
7 comments:
Tobie says: there should be a bumper sticker or a t-shirt that says:
Help, there's an atheist in my closet!
fear not- I have good friends, married to each other for 38 years. She's a rebitzen frumstein and he's basically prax and their marriage is to be envied. don't spring it upon in one fel swoop. you know what I mean. Start with being lax on cholov yisroel ( i mean milk with OU is as kosher as it can be) the rest will be ez
Hi,
To support whay Jay said:
I'm another Orthoprax, for at least 5 years. My wife is Orthodox, our marriage is fine, we have come to an accomodation. My children also have their own beliefs, including one "frummie" but we're OK (although it does make for some lively Shabbat table talk...). We know other couples like this as well.
My latest dilemma: To be a Shaliach Tzibbur for RH. I do a good job, and I'm asked every year, but I wonder about misrepresenting myself as a "tzaddik"....
begreatfull, jay, thanks for your comments and support. Its reassuring to know that I'm not alone.
miri, where can I pick up one of those t-shirts? :)
drj, so long as you daven RH services in under 4 hours you will be considered a tzaddik!
When you stop keeping halacha, will you also leave the OJ community or will you remain but just violate halacha in private?
Also, do yourself a favor and get haloscan comments.
littlefoxling, I'm not sure how things are going to play out. I don't have any plan to leave the community. A lot of what happens will depend on my wife and whatever compromise we can (or can't) work out.
I don't know about the genie in the bottle thing. It took me 12 years to get from ripping toilet paper on the performations (making sure not to rip the actual paper itself) which was my first "transgression" to trying bacon a week ago. And at each level (eating non kosher dairy out, eating non kosher dairy in, eating non kosher chicken out, eating non kosher beef out, eating both in, trying cheeseburgers, trying shrimp, scallops, pepperoni,a nd finally bacon) I had long pauses, some lasting years. In fact it was 3 years between trying non kosher beef and trying a blatently non kosher animal, shrimp. and at each level I told myself "yeah I'm going to stay here, here is a good level of judaism for me."
Ok, i lied, it is a sliperry slope. It just takes a really long time.
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