How Lubab Pleases His Wife in Three Easy Steps

It has been almost three months since I told my wife I doubt the existence of god and the validity of Judaism. Our relationship has had its ups and downs since my revelation. I've been hesitant about blogging about our relationship for a few reasons. Mostly because I don't enjoy reading asinine "advice" from some of the bottom-dwelling trolls who frequent my blog. But, a number of people who are in similar situations have asked how things are going. I hope their interest in my relationship is because they are unsure about what to do in their lives and are looking for support or advice or direction or something along those lines. With that in mind here's an update and a few words of advice.

The wifey and I have been getting along great. After I told her what I was thinking things got rough for a little while. My timing may not have been the best. (Not that there is ever a good time to tell your significant other that you don't believe what they believe in). I say that timing may not have been best because she was finishing her recovery from having the baby, the kid wasn't yet sleeping well, and also throw in any of the other complications a marriage has when you add a baby to the picture. Each of these individual issues were getting better at the time we had our talk but my revelation added additional stress to the mix.

I can think of three specific things I've done that have helped improve our relationship.

1) I started putting on tallis and tefillin on a regular basis. In one of our discussions she said that she knows I'm not one of those guys who spends all day in the bais medrish (understatement of the year) but she expects me to do certain basics like daven, and go to shul. So, I made an effort to daven. I even made sure she saw me doing it. (e.g. I'd pop into the kitchen with my tallis and tefillin on and ask her a question or something.) My actions had a definite impact. I think my effort said to her "I care and am willing to take action to show that I care."

I want to give credit to Come Running of These Dreams of Who???? for helping me with these next two improvements. CR, thanks for chatting.

2) Come Running pointed out to me that many women are willing to do a lot of work (make two massive Shabbos meals for example) but want their effort to be appreciated. This isn't a major revelation but guys are stupid. I made an effort to vocalize my appreciation when she did work around the house. "Thanks for the meal, I really appreciate it.", "I appreciate that you picked me up from the subway.", "I really appreciate it when you get the place ready for Shabbos." Boys, let me tell you, this little word ("appreciate") is of great value. Use it. I guarantee results.

3) I noticed that Mrs. LubabNoMore is more stressed out when there is work to be done around the house. In talking to CR I realized that if I do more to help out around the house she might be less stressed. I know, not exactly rocket science, but I'm a man, what do you expect? Left to my own devices I would be wallowing in my own filth in under a week. But I digress. I started putting in a effort to do more around the home and *presto-change-o* she was less stressed and happier with me in general.

All these little gestures have been adding up. I'm happier, she's happier and the little babe is the most adorable thing I've ever seen. Wifey and I haven't talked about religion in a while. We will have to at some point in the not too distant future but for now I'm just going to keep building on what we have so when that day comes we'll be ready for it.

Note: I will use my discretion to censor (or not) any comments that reference my wife. And I don't want to hear you whine about it. When you start paying me taxes then you can start complaining about free-speech rights.