The Shabbos table is great because people generally come together and talk. People talk politics, people gossip, and people talk religion. As I have mentioned on this blog, for the past few years my faith in Judaism has declined to the point of nil. But, during that fall I asked a lot of questions. Often, at a Shabbos table.
For the most part the questions focused on halacha and shul policies. "Why do we follow such and such practice?" "Why does the Rabbi at shul enforce such and such minhag?" etc. etc. etc. Some of my questions got proper answers. Others didn't. However, my inqueries that began with "Why" got the most blank stares. People would just blank out for a second as if they were startled by the question. I think the reason for the dumbstruck faces is that there is a lot of focus put on How to practice. Whereas people accept as a given the reason Why we do things. "Why do we do ABC? Because the Torah and our Rebbim tell us to."
I think I asked most of these questions because I was looking for answers. I think I asked some of these questions because sometimes I like to provoke
Shabbos just isn't the same.
11 comments:
When I was living in New Jersey, a fellow grad student and his wife (who were orthodox) used to sometimes invite me to their Shabbos dinner. It was lots of fun, and I learned all sorts of fascinating things about Jewish religion and culture. (It was tricky to find ways to return the invitation since of course they couldn't eat anything prepared in my kitchen...).
Anyway, inviting over gentile friends (curious ones, not ones who think everything that's different is weird), might be a good solution: it can bring the questions back down to a basic and fun level.
I've had my share of these conversations also. I remember getting into a heated discussion with the kollel husband of one of my friends when I asked him why and how the sacrifices were meant to bring us closer to God. He was pretty stumped, and when I left he had a puzzled look on his face and told me I had given him a lot to think about. Whenever I see him now (which isn't so often), he always remembers exactly what parsha I was at his house for. I now also am careful with which questions I ask, because I know that there aren't answers for a lot of them, and honestly, I don't want to put that doubt in other people's minds.
Although it can be tricky, it is possible to tread delicately, by focusing on issues of ethics and/or history, as many of these overlap and do not contradict tradition. For example, the laws of libel and slander vis a vis lashon harah, or the humanistic aspect of some of the stories. Its true, sometimes is dodging bullets ("Why did hashem 'regret' creating the world...etc".
I've got a why question:
Why don't you just leave the Jewish community?
Clearly the "why" questions are more provocative. I submit, though, that even the "how" questions are worth asking from a skeptical point of view, as the answers to the “how” questions are often nonsensical as well.
- How is it that the Halacha of not cooking a "kid in its mother's milk" has come to be interpreted in this odd way?
- How has the rule of the sheitels come to be?
- How do we arrive at the rule of equating electricity with fire for the purpose of Shabbat observance?
- How does the continuance of the practice of eruvs in the spirit of Torah?
Theses questions are skeptical but not heretical. The logical answers to them, though, force the believer to pause and take stock of her belief.
Gee Wiz....If Rabbi Stein had a chabad house, I'm almost certain that it would be packed to the rafters. (don't quit your day job)
ah, lubab, thanks for your daily dose of heresy! i need this stuff more than you know. I have been writing an angry letter to my 'rents in my head for the last couple hours while I work. Now I can breathe some cathartic air and won't e-mail my poor mom anything so upsetting.
First off, I think you should never talk religion or politics at the dinner table.
Second, although it's great not to upset people in the short run, non-discussion of beliefs/religion/politics in the long run just upsets people even more. What is necessary is to find a medium outside the dinner table (blogs, say) where such things can be discussed. The only problem with blogs is that (being anonymous) they will probably not be a discussion with the people closest to you.
What I have been leaning towards of late is some good old fashioned professional family group therapy. Have another person present, a professional in human relationships (i.e. MSW or PhD), and get together with your spouse/parent/friend to talk it out with him or her. Sure, it may cost a bit of money, but maybe your health insurance can help out there. Or just try it... if you don't like it after four weeks, you can always quit for financial reasons!
I'd be interested to know whether therapy has been tried successfully by any of the lurking skeptics here.
I also like to goad people a little about their beliefs. I started back when I was questioning everything and have realized that most OJ are so dogmatic in their beliefs and have no idea of any of the reasons behind the practices.
My latest discussion (aka argument) was with my father in law about the halacha that one MUST eat meat on shabbat. First, i challenged him to tell me why God cares what you eat as long as you are honoring the shabbat properly. to each person that means a different thing. I highly doubt God wants people who hate meat to force it down just because that is what is done. Second, i asked him why, if meat was so important, seudat shlishit doesn't have to be meat.
nobody can tell me it isn't fun to goad the in-laws once in a while :)
The first question that someone new that you meet is where do you daven. I just say I dont. Why does everybody think that just because you wear a kippah that you practicen the mumbo jumbo religion of calling on a God that you may not believe in
"Anonymous said...
The first question that someone new that you meet is where do you daven. I just say I dont. Why does everybody think that just because you wear a kippah that you practicen the mumbo jumbo religion of calling on a God that you may not believe in"
Because it is a sign of identification with Judaism.
I've fallen into a lot of doubt and anger with Torah and frumkeit but I had begun to delve quite heavily into the writings of the Arizal (I know htat many will blow a gut and go off on this but that's not my point). And despite the problems that I have with things, most Jews, even the ones who learn for a living have no clue about the answers to questions about korbonos and other questions that are usually responded to by "Oh that's answered in kabbalah. But you have no business knowing any of that because neither do I." Those are small people with small aspirations and small minds. If a person is really looking for the answers to those difficult questions of "WHY?", they are all answered in the corpus of kabbalah. You may not like the answers and think you know better as to what is really Torah m'Sinai, but regardless, the answers you seek are there.
DT
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